WHO RESCUES THE RESCUER?
I never cease to be perplexed by me.
Never!
Not by something beautiful or wondrous, but rather by the fickleness of my own heart.
It shocks me sometimes how self-centered I am. Yeah, me.
The guy that always volunteers. The guy who seems to be there for everyone. Up front and on the surface, it may very well be, but on the back side, when it is all said and done and it's just me, there is a problem.....
The happiness and Joy that is supposed to be shared with them or the self-satisfaction of having been there helping them get through a tough spot or overcome a huge trial is uncomfortably short-lived.
While they go dancing off refreshed or steadied, in renewed sense of freedom and life, the "what about me?" monster emerges from its camouflaged hiding place and hijacks the moment from me.
As I try to turn the ship, that are my thoughts, in the right direction, I realize the ugly waves of self-centeredness are stronger than the me I thought I was. The me I was to them.
And right now, I could use someone to do that same exact thing for me. But they don't know that I need it because I hide.
I'm too scared of losing your high approval of me if I show my weakness, my flaw. So, I continue on, helping you as I continually die inside...pray for me.
Does anyone relate to this? I pray not, but I know it's true for at least a handful people that will read this. I wrote this when I was treading water that I was sure would overwhelm me. Then I remembered something. Something that carries me to this day.
The love I KNOW that Jesus has for me and that any discomfort is just temporary. But I must still walk through the valley of that shadow....
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